.: ShaolinTiger - Kung-Fu Geekery :.

From Dane Cook....do watch them in order.

The last one cracks me up...fat deceitful meat stick!

How stupid (or just plain unfortunate) can people get seriously?

Eighth Place: In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate while trying to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place: A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker -- who often bragged he was 'totally-zoned when he ran' -- accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily workout.

Sixth Place: While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8-foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a local hospital.

Fifth Place: Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place: Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four cartridges into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place: After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H & J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from seven different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION: Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to create some excitement. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP: Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE 2007 WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn , Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of a animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes, before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the beast suddenly unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that once again proves...'Shit happens!'

Beat that, actually killed by a shower of shit from a constipated elephant!

Source: PerthNow

Note: These are not the REAL Darwin Awards - some are true and some are not, you can read it on Snopes 2006 Darwin Awards. The real Darwin Awards for 2007 have just been released, but aren't so funny. Sloppy journalism by News.au eh?

On your bike or in your car and especially if you don't wear your seatbelt or overtake carelessly.

You might want to check this page out:

Gross Photos from Road Traffic Accidents [Translated]

Do be warned it's pretty gross, definitely 18+.

It's great...for learning a lesson.

I get ridiculous e-mails all the time, quite often asking me to do things - hello are blogs the new free media? I don't think so, you want space here baby - you better pay! Unless you are a charitable cause like saving the rhinos then you just have to ask.

Anyway that's beside the point, I've had some ridiculously stupid e-mails later...more than normal. I've deleted most of them as they give me a headache trying to decipher them..but here are a couple - let me know if you can work out the meaning.

From NewYorky

helo shaolin tiger..i just found your blog through yahooo searching. I would
like to reply post in your colume. How to reply post in your colume, can u
please direct me the correct way. Thanks alot.
NewYorky
Malaysian-In Indonesia now

From Derry

To it may concern,
im a degree student and looking for a reseach to do for my my dessertation
or final project since im very much interested in yout company,mabye i
could assist you in doing a reseach.can i no more about ur company or
events u have made recently.i would very much apriciated.thanx.pls reply to
the above mail.

What drugs are these people taking?

And more importantly, where can I get some?!

Yeah don't do it, it's teh wrong and bad.

Please don't drink and drive....you might spill your beer - that's a REAL crime.

The best comb-over in the history of the world.

Check out the transformation!

It's been a damn long time since I've displayed a fugly car around these parts, I guess you get desensitized to them after seeing fugly beng buckets every freaking day.

Well here's one for prosperity.

Seen any good ones lately?

At least this is a Nissan...I've seen NISMO stickers on a Saga, Toyota, Ford and various others cars..

Do they not know NISMO means NISsan MOtorsports.

It's like all these Waja with diffuser blades on the roof, do they not know they aren't effective until around 220km/h at which point their car would have already fallen apart.

Crazy I tell you.

A pig blow job on a wall in Jakarta.

Beat that?

Is it as cool as Spiderpig? I'm not sure...but it's close!

Taken in a traffic jam in Jakarta during a recent trip.

Traffic jams are extremely common there, obscene graffiti however is not.

Taken with my E61i!

I don't really get the message if there is one though, pigs deserve oral loving too?

Now this is pretty cool..

1,500 plus CPDRC inmates of the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center, Cebu, Philippines at practice!

This is not the final routine, and definitely not a punishment! just a teaser.

I think they've got something going on there, get the prisoners working together.

The she-male thing is a bit scary though.

This is nuts.

People mistake her for a pitbull with a pinhead, but Wendy the whippet is one rare breed.

So rare that the Central Saanich dog recently graced the New York Times. She also had several of her photos shown on The Today Show, all because of a rare genetic mutation that has led to her being the Incredible Hulk of dogs.

Wendy is a 27-kilogram rippling mass of muscle. Forget the so-called six-pack stomach: Wendy has a 24-pack. And the muscles around her neck are so thick, they look like a lion's ruff.

You can read about Big Wendy here.

Interestingly, whippets with the homozygous deletion also had an unusual body shape, with a broader head, pronounced overbite, and shorter legs. These whippets have also been called "bully whippets" by the breeding community due to their size, but not their temperament.

Apparently it's a genetic mutation (Myostatin) and this is known as a bully whippet - you can read more on Wiki here.

And then check out this stacked cow.

It's so wrong for a cow to be muscular.