Archive | November, 2004

Face thy devil or he getteth stronger..

Being here has given me a lot of time for contemplating my life and self discovery, in a way I’ve worked out it’s actually a good thing, kind of a revelation I guess.

The problem is when you are ‘home’ or in a familiar place, when you feel down, depressed or a little lacking in sunshine you go out, find your friends, find something to do and avoid the feelings, replace them with happy feelings. For most cases this is fine…but when the depressing or bad feelings are caused by a more serious root problem you really can’t afford to keep avoiding it.

Here I didn’t have those options, so just sat on the step a lot of time, smoking and thinking, exploring myself, something like self-discovery..I think this is an important activity for everyone, I guess some people would classify it as meditation..Looking inside rather than out, exploring yourself rather than blaming others, you have to beat your own devils before you can take on the world. It’s important for everyone to truly understandand and love themselves, be at peace, know what makes you tick, what you desire and what it is exactly that is making you feel bad about yourself. Don’t just avoid it as it will only get stronger.

Something like fighting those inner devils, we all have them, some times they are bigger than others, sometimes they are just passing ripples of something unimportant, sometimes they are ripples caused by something bigger and deeper…self doubt, self hate, self blame. Don’t let such things consume you, address them, work them out, face thy devil..

As I always tell everyone, communication is always the key, in relationships, at work and with friends. I am blessed, I can communicate. This post is about communication too, but in a way most people don’t consider, learning to communicate with yourself. I guess for women it’s not so bad, but a lot of guys are not in touch with their own feelings and they end up getting all fucked inside and being bastards…or getting horribly depressed and doing terrible things..just from what I’ve seen anyway.

I guess the lesson for today is, be there a problem at work, in your relationship or with yourself…deal with it, face it and own it. Don’t let it dictate how you life your life, problems are obstacles to be conquered, not issues to be avoided as this just feeds them and causes them to swell…like an ice berg, 1/6th of the problem could be above the surface…the rest you have to explore yourself. Don’t be afraid to open up bigger issues, as they need to be addressed too.

Anyway hope you don’t feel like I am preaching or something…just wanted to express what I have to say 馃檪 Hope it’s understood..

Other than that things have been normal here, am sitting here in Coffee Bean, Gadong having a Black Forest ice blended mocha. We held a Capture the Flag type of hacking competition yesterday which was fun. My students did pretty well, so I guess perhaps they learnt something after all 馃檪

Half day today as they are rehearsing for the Raya celebration tonight, so I am here doing some marking and preparing for the Colombo assignment!

Looks like I’ll be off to Colombo December 11th, 6 days a week, 21 working days…so gonna JUST miss NYE by the looks of it.

Oh well!

Back to KL soon anyway, really looking forward to it and getting excited about arriving back already.

Cooked some bizarre psuedo-Indian Mediteranean vegetable thing last night, I didn’t take pics as it didn’t look so good, but it tasted pretty fine. I manage ok, give me any number of weird items and I’ll concoct something edible (some other people have this talent too I guess).

Anyway got some mails to reply, so laters!

Continue Reading 2 CommentsDeep Thoughts

You are from Mercury


You Are From Mercury

You are talkative, clever, and knowledgeable – and it shows.
You probably never leave home without your cell phone!
You’re witty, expressive, and aware of everything going on around you.
You love learning, playing, and taking in all of what life has to offer.
Be careful not to talk your friends’ ears off, and temper your need to know everything.
Continue Reading 9 CommentsGeneral Nonsense

Sun, Sand, Sea and Smiles…

Ok I meant to write this yesterday but I was busy writing the stupid question paper hehe..Oh well I finally finished it at 2.30am…so I’m kind of tired now *yawn*

Warning photo heavy post.

Was in an excellent mood again yesterday and had a good nights sleep with some nice peaceful dreams, which makes a change hahaha..

Went out around to lunch time to Kuala Belait for an open house, Kuala Belait is almost on the border of Brunei next to Miri, it’s really very quiet. It’s around 90km from where I stay.

We had some good food

Some company and some laughs

Man this guys house was seriously nice

Check out the looks, he’s got it done up something like I would like it

After that we drove around a bit and checked out the scenes, Kuala Belait has a beach so we went there and saw the 1 billion barrel monument

The beach is fairly nice

I also managed to kick off my Beautiful Skies photo gallery with a couple of nice shots yesterday, I have loads of these on the fried PC so look forwards to seeing the whole collection.

There are more photos in the Brunei Trip album in the Gallery.

On a different note it’s nice to finally be in an actual good mood again, I got the feeling back to entertain people and was making everyone laugh…I think the funk is clearing 馃檪 Thanks. Things don’t look so dark and dismal anymore, there is a sunshine after the rain and I’ve only got 7 more days left here woooo, 28 gone already! Am SO looking forwards to going back!

So back to KL, fix up my appartment and off to Colombo I go by the looks of it. I think it’s pretty much confirmed now.

Ok am going to have breakfast now so catch you all laters.

Continue Reading 4 CommentsBrunei, Food/Eating, Trips & Travel

Drunk, drunk and happy?!?

OMG…I sniffed a beer and got dizzy..

No really I’m actually drunk and I feel good, I’m in a great mood..partially because of unleashing my fury in that weird post last night (weight off my shoulders), partially because I’m drunk for the first time in almost a month (woo-fucking-hoo) and partially because of some other things..

WOW, what happened?? Did it rain beer in that godforsaken place? No my dears..it was all an evil plot to get me intoxicated. I was meant to go to KK if you recall, but I didn’t as my passport was with immigration, after all they didn’t extend my visa, they asked me to go out and come back anyway…bastards so my trip to KK was ruined for nothing. Anyway I was planning to go out, maybe to Miri, but one of the guys said why so far? Just go to Limbang, it’s near by..so today, dutifully after class of we went.

Sunny hot day, awesome time for drinking lots of beers, woo!

Look I don’t care what you say, ANY OF YOU, I am popular really look at all my buddies…

Wooohahaha (yes this is officially a drunken post..)

What’s more we had some pretty good chicken wings, beer….chicken wings, smoking and talking nonsense, what more can you ask for in life? (Not much obviously..whilst I’m here anyway, although there is definately something else I want). And yes I am a happy drunk, I dont get all angry and shit, I just get more crazy, dance a lot and say a lot of funny shit..

The guy I was with was really cool, even though I felt a bit bad, he’s a Muslim local so he can’t drink, but he dutifully sat by and watched me and another chinese guy get a little tipsy. Thanks man, appreciate that a lot. I bought a few cans back and a carton of smokes, pretty cheap over there. Rumours are though Labuan is even cheaper, 70 bucks for a bottle of Chivas, schweeeet!

Anyway I am developing a slight headache now…I haven’t eaten properly since breakfast and I think I need some food and water..so off I go. Don’t worry no drunken rambling in this post, I got it all out last night 馃檪

Thank you human beings for creating alchohol, it’s a wonderful thing.

Continue Reading 8 CommentsBrunei, Malaysia, Trips & Travel

Life…pain….hurt….teeth and gems.

Ok…well I haven’t really written anything serious on this blog yet, I mean there are 2-3 posts I think so far in very general terms..this one will be a lot more personal and probably a lot more disjointed. Be warned, it’s likely to be long.

You’ll have to bear with me I’m afraid..I’d also guess this will get none or very few comments as those meaningful topics[/url] seem to get none..and those bullshit topics[/url] seem to get loads 馃槢

Anyway, on to life, teeth and gems..I am pretty exhausted now too, I haven’t had enough sleep this week and it’s taking it’s toll, actually I should be asleep now, but well I just felt like posting some of the random swirls of nonsense clouding up my mind. Some people say I’m wise beyond my years, I have no idea…sometimes I feel that way sometimes I dont, you can read what I have to say and form your opinion, you are more than entitled to it.

Onto life…life is strange, when it’s crappy it’s really crappy, seriously..The cliched adage “When it rains it pours” is so true. When it rains it’s fucking torrential, it unleashes the most miserable hell fury possible. When you are down in life most people kick you, tread on you or the most common just act plain apathetic and pass you by like you don’t exist. This is human nature, this is what we’ve evolved into, this is why we’ve become the top of the food chain?

I’m sorry but fuck that it’s bullshit.

People need to start caring about themselves (no not how much money they earn or what car they drive), the people around them and society as a whole..if one of your friends is in trouble, lend some support, give them a friendly face to look at, give them some kind words to digest, be there for them. It doesn’t cost anything but time, don’t underestimate the value of good friends.

I am thankfully fortunate to have a great set of friends who really care for me, who were there for me every day when I needed them and said and did the right things. You all know who you are and I can never thank you enough for that. Suffice to say I’ve had a really shitty time recently, it’s passing over now..mostly thanks to the support I got.

My time is Brunei has give me a lot of space to think, to collect my thoughts to sort my life out and get back on track..To contemplate who I was, who I am now, where I was and where I want to go..I was on some kind of track long ago but I got trapped, I got tunnel vision, I didn’t have any way to escape, I realise that now…*sigh* 20/20 hindsight is a powerfully frustrating and useless thing. Life twists and turns…It’s no good being on the right track if you just sit there and do nothing….as with my post previously, don’t just sit and let your life pass by, don’t let yourself be unhappy to make someone else happy…because at the end of it, ultimately you will both end up unhappy, resenting each other and all fucked up. Don’t take anything for granted, because the next moment it could be gone, everything could be shattered. Appreciate the people around you, thank them for what they do…do something for them without expecting something in return.

This may sound like doom and gloom, but I would like to say whatever you may think, however reserved you may feel..dare to fail, there is nothing worse than not trying at all, you may regret it forever, at least if you try and fail, you know you gave it your all, no regrets, no lingering thoughts, no headfucks. This also boils down to if you are going to do something, do it, don’t hedge your bets just incase, because you want an easy way…following this, if you say you’ll do something, please please do it…words are easy to say, but they mean a lot to some people. Above all if you make a promise, a real true promise, keep it…

Everything is a balance, yin and yang, dark and light, we have to feel pain to enjoy please and all that, it’s all cheesy yet true..there is a balance in the Universe in some strange way, if not it would have self-combused or imploded years ago. There is Karma, although most of the time it doesn’t feel like it, we even somehow believe in it in the west with sayings such as “What goes around comes around“. Most the time life just feels unfair, “Lifes a bitch, then you marry one then you die“..In saying this though, too many people bitch about their lives, moan about menial everyday crap like it’s the end of the fucking world, I’m sorry but get a grip…you don’t know what hardship is, honestly you don’t have the faintest idea..(In saying this I’m not trying to claim that I do, just that I appreciate that I have it pretty good, I don’t have to live in some famine struck part of Africa, fight for water and watch 3 out of my 5 children die before they can walk..)

Sometimes we spiral down, sometimes we float up, I hit a plateau so I tried to change things, I gave up everything familiar and comfortable, everything known and tested, everything safe and secure and I got kicked in the teeth for it. That fucking hurts, it hurts beyond anything I could previously comprehend. I got kicked in the teeth then stamped on..everything else was fine apart from what mattered most..but the clouds have been blown away and the sky is clearing again. I think I was blind, I think I was living a lie…I think I was in love with a memory. One lesson to be learnt, don’t be too soft, to malleable…don’t let memories and dreams cloud reality, don’t let emotion completely control everything..don’t give up your heart and soul for someone or something that doesn’t appreciate it.

Life is strange though, from what I’ve learnt in my few short years when you are on the floor bleeding and crying, with the reminants of your bloody kicked out teeth in your fingers you’ll probably find some kind beautiful diamond amongst the splintered shards of bone..These are the times it makes life seem worth living, during adversity there is always hope, please remember that, there is always hope..don’t ever completely give up. I have been on a long tiring journey, and I have reached my final destination…I have to admit, it’s no where near my expected destination, but nevertheless I am here…and it feels kinda good, I am free again, I am in the driving seat again, no one else is in control apart from me.

All in all I think life is good, life is what you make it, you get what you deserve..if you feel like you are getting a raw deal, take a good look in the mirror and see what YOU are doing about it. Thanks to those who chased the clouds away, thanks to those who helped me up when I was faltering…and thanks to you for putting me back on my feet. I am back, and I am good…life is a learning experience and we all have a past, it makes us who we are. I am glad who I am, even though ever since a young age it’s hurt like shit to get here..Maybe another day I’ll post something else like this, if anyone cares, if not I’ll probably post it anyway as it’s good to get it out. At the end of it all I hope to learn from my mistakes, but it’s easier to learn from others, so please learn from mine and at least try and digest what I’ve written.

I feel like I have to put the world to rights it’s getting pretty fucked up, look out for topics about religion, politics, malaysia, corruption, fat people and Americans..

This was truly philosophical pseudo-emotional wandering, Shaolin style. Disover thyself, it’s important. Big love to everyone.

Continue Reading 8 CommentsDeep Thoughts

Pet Peeves..chomping..STFU Noisy eaters…

Ok during a discussion last night I stumbled upon one of the few, rare gems in life that I abso-fucking-lutely hate with avengance.

Basically it’s like this….

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T MAKE NOISE WHEN YOU EAT.

Food is beautiful, eating is wonderful, it should be cherished and loved not noisily chomped on like some piece of neanderthal wooly mammoth steak.

The exact noise I’m referring to is that kind of lip smacking noise some people make when they chew…like *mnah mnah mnah*

I really really can’t stand it, it actually makes me livid to witness noise during mastication..

I can just about stand slurping…only just, it wont make me shove a chopstick in your eye, but that lip smacking noise…I’ll actually move table to avoid hearing that noise, it physically repulses me and makes me want to cause grevious bodily harm on the source of emanation..

If you keep eating noisily you will end up looking like this for sure:

Or if you don’t you will after you remove my foot from your mouth

*HAIYAAAAAAA* (The noise I make whilst delivering a deadly Bruce Lee style flying kick)

There is no need to make this noise and well it usually results from those redneck, back alley eaters that eat with their mouths open too…so if you catch yourself doing it, please stop..

I’m so glad no-one in my circle of friends does it..not often anyway, Suan[/url] does it occasionally, but after the look of death…she soon stops..

Yeah and please don’t talk with food in your mouth, the last thing I want to have to see, especially during my dinner, is your half chewed food…kthx

I’ll probably post a complete list of the stuff I hate one day…there’s not much actually, this is the only thing on this beautiful planet that actually makes me want to commit painful, bloody, violent crimes..

I think I might just add some random stuff here…last night I had Vietnamese Paikut Wong, it was good, something like a load of pork chops cooked in capital sauce.

I had some minging stomach ache yesterday aswell, was doubled up rolling around like an intoxicated monkey..Other than that, nothing much going on..

Continue Reading 5 CommentsRanting

Shaolin is teh ENTP

According to Briggs Meyer..Jung version

https://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving

“Clever” is the word that perhaps describes ENTPs best. The professor who juggles half a dozen ideas for research papers and grant proposals in his mind while giving a highly entertaining lecture on an abstruse subject is a classic example of the type. So is the stand-up comedian whose lampoons are not only funny, but incisively accurate.

ENTPs are usually verbally as well as cerebrally quick, and generally love to argue–both for its own sake, and to show off their often-impressive skills. They tend to have a perverse sense of humor as well, and enjoy playing devil’s advocate. They sometimes confuse, even inadvertently hurt, those who don’t understand or accept the concept of argument as a sport.

ENTPs are as innovative and ingenious at problem-solving as they are at verbal gymnastics; on occasion, however, they manage to outsmart themselves. This can take the form of getting found out at “sharp practice”–ENTPs have been known to cut corners without regard to the rules if it’s expedient — or simply in the collapse of an over-ambitious juggling act. Both at work and at home, ENTPs are very fond of “toys”–physical or intellectual, the more sophisticated the better. They tend to tire of these quickly, however, and move on to new ones.

ENTPs are basically optimists, but in spite of this (perhaps because of it?), they tend to become extremely petulant about small setbacks and inconveniences. (Major setbacks they tend to regard as challenges, and tackle with determin- ation.) ENTPs have little patience with those they consider wrongheaded or unintelligent, and show little restraint in demonstrating this. However, they do tend to be extremely genial, if not charming, when not being harassed by life in general.

In terms of their relationships with others, ENTPs are capable of bonding very closely and, initially, suddenly, with their loved ones. Some appear to be deceptively offhand with their nearest and dearest; others are so demonstrative that they succeed in shocking co-workers who’ve only seen their professional side. ENTPs are also good at acquiring friends who are as clever and entertaining as they are. Aside from those two areas, ENTPs tend to be oblivious of the rest of humanity, except as an audience — good, bad, or potential.

Humm!

I am the visionary, inventor type apparently..

It’s so true in parts it’s unreal haha

Another version is HERE

ENTPs are fluent conversationalists, mentally quick, and enjoy verbal sparring with others. They love to debate issues, and may even switch sides sometimes just for the love of the debate. When they express their underlying principles, however, they may feel awkward and speak abruptly and intensely.

Oh so true..

We even have our own domain https://www.entp.org/

I bet the forum there is a fun place..if you love arguing anyway hahaha

Continue Reading 4 CommentsGeneral Nonsense

The water situation erm…and dace!

Ok so class was ok today as normal…

I got back and wondered why the hell the car had moved, some kind of dodgy ghost business going on?

Then I noticed piles of stuff everywhere…hmm I thought, hmm indeed.

Where the car was once parked, now rests a hole.

Looks like they decided to properly fix the water..

Wooohoooo can finally shower propely, by the looks of things it wasn’t a problem with the pump, probably a leak or blockage.

After that I cooked myself some food…I was so happy when I got my Dace

I think this stuff is like marmite[/url]..you either love it or hate it..It’s kinda weird because I’m not a huge fan of fish and canned fish usually makes me retch (sardines, eww) because it’s well *TOO* fishy. It’s generally eaten with plain ‘juk‘ (rice porridge/congee) in Teo Chew styleee (pickled veges and all that).

Tonight it was savoured with a steaming bowl of mee sup.

Yum!

Shaving was accomplished today without any serious flesh wounds..it’s a revelation..

In a weird kind of mood today…a bit melancholy, introspective, contemplative..and happy in a subdued kind of way.

Looks like Colombo is on…*sigh* I will be with you again soon my dear KL and my dears in KL

On the up side it looks like I might get to do some real work, h4x0r the planet ya’ll!

Yes I am verbose…you’ll get used to it I’m sure 馃檪

Continue Reading 8 CommentsFood/Eating, General Nonsense

Rain, Mee and Me

Ok well like I said when it rains here it rains..I think it’s pretty much the same for the SE Asian region at the moment though as it’s Monsoon Season…so it’s damn hot most of the time and the rest of the time it rains..a lot..

At least it rains properly in this side of the world not that pussy drizzle crap you get in the UK, none of those depressing grey skies and damp, coldness that permeates into your bones. It’s either hot here or raining, it’s good, I like it 馃檪

Went to Coffee Bean last night after class and surfed the web wireless style, pretty cool and much superior to staying at home. At least got a few ‘things’ to see…but goddamnit I got bitten to shit by the mosquitoes, must have been that funky smell thing I had going on.

I picked up (tar pau’d) some food on the way back, Hokkien Mee, it was pretty good.

Yes I know I post a lot of pics of food, I’m evil…but what to do here..

Makan, Minum, Tidur.. (Eat, Drink, Sleep).

After that went home and rejoiced that the water had returned…finally got to shower, but then realised…saying the water was back was kind of subjective…as to how you defined it, it was back in a very loose sense of the word..

IT WAS BACK WITH THE WATER PRESSURE OF FUCKING GNAT PISS

Ok so I showered under the dribble and felt infinitely better, at least I’m not carrying a cloud of funk with me now.

Other than that business as usual…still haven’t seen Bridget Jones 2[/url]…and heard Shutter is pretty good.

I also added some pics to the Photo Gallery[/url] finally, just some snaps of the house here and other things I’ve taken…I’ll do a photo tour of this place soon don’t fret.

Probably going to go to Limbang, not Miri as it’s much closer and I just need to chop my passport (and drink beer).

And it’s Wednesday…my least favourite day of the week, the last weekend is a long forgotten memory and the next weekend is not really close enough yet to anticipate..that’s my take on it anyway.

For breakfast this morning I was treated to some kind of Laksa/Mee Bandung Brunei style thing with potaties and it was pretty good.

I will attempt to concentrate enough to write something meaningful soon, promise..

I love you all *points* yes especially you.

Continue Reading 8 CommentsFood/Eating, General Nonsense

Another weekend gone, another monday arrives..

Well here I am the weekend has gone…not that I can really differentiate the weekend from the week here.

I arrived home yesterday to find that the water had disappeared…joy oh joy, now I’m lonely bored AND I smell bad. I phoned the people that needed to be phoned and got through finally, apparently something *should* be done about it..fingers crossed.

After that sat around getting eaten by mosquitoes and thinking I should probably really go and eat something so I ventured out into the wildernes..

I went to the nearest shop I found and bought some stuff, I was overjoyed to find some cans of Dace in Black Beans..wonderful stuff

Following that I ventured into an area near by and grabbed some food, I had Wah Tan Hor…was pretty good, plenty of chilli padi 馃檪

Went off home after that, went to bed later than I should and woke up later than I should…oh well such is life.

Popped off to McDonalds today for some quality fried chicken (Ayam Goreng, Pedas), also a mountain of fries..

The aftermath that resulted..

The pics were taken with the latest Nokia Communicator, yes people seriously do buy stuff the first day it comes out here..

Bought a couple more horror DVD’s aswell..

I was mentioned in Suans blog[/url] (again)…she’s so literal sometimes, it cracks me up.

Apart from that nothing much is happening, life is good in other ways 馃檪

Continue Reading 4 CommentsGeneral Nonsense