Ok last night….it was a normal night in most aspects, a little worse for traffic as it was raining..but low and behold I reached Puchong toll (the start of the LDP) and it was jammed solid..
It then proceeded to be jammed all the way to the other end of the LDP (where I live).
The LDP is Lebuhraya Damansara Puchong, a big ass highway that runs through KL and PJ.
Unsurprisingly the cause was 5-6 inconsiderate bastards who had a crash (no one was hurt), it was just one of those stupid nose-to-ass collisions caused by an idiot who doesn’t fully appreciate their lack of driving skills. And this…this caused a 20+KM traffic jam, the LDP was barely moving, I had a movie date, left work on time (for once) and it took me like 2 bastard hours to get anywhere near home…I didn’t actually have time to get home, I grabbed a Ramly burger, made a U-turn and headed back down the LDP (the other side was normal traffic flow).
So let’s summarise, if you are a dickhead who can’t drive, has the reactions of a drunken amoeba or you drive a car without the capability to stop in 0.001 seconds flat…when it’s raining please dont..
1) Tailgate, it’s not big and it’s not smart and no it doesn’t make you look grown-up
2) Gas away on your shiny new mobile phone and put the world and their dog to rights
3) Flirt with your passenger to the point where you no longer look at the fucking road
4) Apply makeup/lipstick/brush your hair/shave
5) Any combination of the above.
If I do catch you doing any of these I’ll stick your Wajalution/Kancil/Kelisa up your arse with no lube.
While I’m on the subject, what the fuck is with you girls wearing those sock things on your forearms?? I mean don’t you know glass cuts out all U.V. rays, you can’t get a tan through glass..All dressed up in some sexy office gear with some dirty grey rags on your arms?? Nice..
And SUV drivers, go fuck yourselfs, you wouldn’t know what off-road was if it kicked you in the face. You are the bane of the roads, most of you don’t know how to indicate, cut lanes like no-one else exists, hog the outside lane going 20km/h slower than the traffic flow and various other prick-ish behaviour (especially those Harrier/fake Lexus drivers).
BTW if you want to read a funny thread about women drivers you can do so HERE.
Back to lane hogging, lane discipline in Malaysia is terrible, if not close to non-existent, there was actually an article in the paper the other day saying how we are losing 11,000km of highways due to bad lane discipline. I mean wtf, why is everyone in the middle lane, forcing some other slow pussies into the ‘fast’ lane who are going 40km/h slower than me, it’s not that I’m driving like a maniac, I’m cruising at a comfortable and safe 140km/h…that’s what the FAST lane is for.
You can see an empty highway with someone in the outside lane…or usually in the middle lane, not that this doesn’t happen in the UK too, and it pisses me off too, why are there huge traffic jams? Because of idiots in the wrong lanes, because of excessive braking (the red-light effect)..and people in Kancils driving like idiot-sticks. (This guy has a point[/url]).
Hmm, what else pisses me off. People in the wrong lane at traffic lights, you know the right hand lane for U-turns, when people are blocking that trying to squeeze into the second lane to gain a 3 car advantage, WHAT THE FUCK? Like making us wait another 10 minutes when we don’t need to is going to make your life better by getting 3 cars ahead, ignorant assholes.
Also people that wanna race me when there’s heavy traffic, fuck you. I’m not going to endanger my life or my passengers life or anyone elses life for that matter to race you in your fucked up turbo-charged Saga, I know I drive a car that looks like it likes to race…and yeah it does, but only when it’s SAFE to do so ok.
Ok some more…I’ve seen a few pricks lately with normal-ish cars like a Gen-2 with a GT alloy spoiler with a freaking flourescent strip along the back, are you trying to blind us when you brake or what? FUCKING IDIOTS.Pic courtesy of Rkaru[/url].
Enough ranting for now, lest I give myself a brain haemorrhage.