Being here has given me a lot of time for contemplating my life and self discovery, in a way I’ve worked out it’s actually a good thing, kind of a revelation I guess.
The problem is when you are ‘home’ or in a familiar place, when you feel down, depressed or a little lacking in sunshine you go out, find your friends, find something to do and avoid the feelings, replace them with happy feelings. For most cases this is fine…but when the depressing or bad feelings are caused by a more serious root problem you really can’t afford to keep avoiding it.
Here I didn’t have those options, so just sat on the step a lot of time, smoking and thinking, exploring myself, something like self-discovery..I think this is an important activity for everyone, I guess some people would classify it as meditation..Looking inside rather than out, exploring yourself rather than blaming others, you have to beat your own devils before you can take on the world. It’s important for everyone to truly understandand and love themselves, be at peace, know what makes you tick, what you desire and what it is exactly that is making you feel bad about yourself. Don’t just avoid it as it will only get stronger.
Something like fighting those inner devils, we all have them, some times they are bigger than others, sometimes they are just passing ripples of something unimportant, sometimes they are ripples caused by something bigger and deeper…self doubt, self hate, self blame. Don’t let such things consume you, address them, work them out, face thy devil..
As I always tell everyone, communication is always the key, in relationships, at work and with friends. I am blessed, I can communicate. This post is about communication too, but in a way most people don’t consider, learning to communicate with yourself. I guess for women it’s not so bad, but a lot of guys are not in touch with their own feelings and they end up getting all fucked inside and being bastards…or getting horribly depressed and doing terrible things..just from what I’ve seen anyway.
I guess the lesson for today is, be there a problem at work, in your relationship or with yourself…deal with it, face it and own it. Don’t let it dictate how you life your life, problems are obstacles to be conquered, not issues to be avoided as this just feeds them and causes them to swell…like an ice berg, 1/6th of the problem could be above the surface…the rest you have to explore yourself. Don’t be afraid to open up bigger issues, as they need to be addressed too.
Anyway hope you don’t feel like I am preaching or something…just wanted to express what I have to say 🙂 Hope it’s understood..
Other than that things have been normal here, am sitting here in Coffee Bean, Gadong having a Black Forest ice blended mocha. We held a Capture the Flag type of hacking competition yesterday which was fun. My students did pretty well, so I guess perhaps they learnt something after all 🙂
Half day today as they are rehearsing for the Raya celebration tonight, so I am here doing some marking and preparing for the Colombo assignment!
Looks like I’ll be off to Colombo December 11th, 6 days a week, 21 working days…so gonna JUST miss NYE by the looks of it.
Back to KL soon anyway, really looking forward to it and getting excited about arriving back already.
Cooked some bizarre psuedo-Indian Mediteranean vegetable thing last night, I didn’t take pics as it didn’t look so good, but it tasted pretty fine. I manage ok, give me any number of weird items and I’ll concoct something edible (some other people have this talent too I guess).
Anyway got some mails to reply, so laters!